I like the term discontinuity as I often ponder my perception of time and myself and how they change with the circumstances of my life.
I still remember a discontinuity form early in my life, when I was toward the beginning of my teenage years. Although it was toward the end of a fairly rough school year, nothing in particular happened on or around that day that I could name as a trigger for this discontinuity, but I remember it felt like something had abruptly changed inside me, and everything beforehand seemed a bit hazy, like it was in some sense a different life. I still remember the date, May 22, 1999.
I never again experienced a discontinuity of nearly that level. I know it happened during a time in my life when a lot of things are rapidly changing, but it felt very different from all the normal changes. It was strange enough that I still remember it to this day, and I've never heard anyone else name this experience until now.
I also resonate with many of your thoughts about embodiment and spirituality. I do remember having times when I was a child where I felt frustrated that I couldn't remember anything from before my birth, feeling that there was something there but not accessible. Later I became fascinated by stories of people who remembered past lives, as well as phenomena like neard death experiences. I still think those things are interesting, but I've backed away from trying to rely on such things as a source of hope. I realized that it felt like the wrong thing to try to rely on for my well-being, it felt like I needed to immerse myself in life and my physical body rather than look for a source of "rescue" from it that so many religious and secular ideologies promise and seemed always just out of reach.
The interesting thing is, feeling myself as embodied gives me a sense of connection that I'd never gotten from common spiritual ideas. It feels like my body is part of the greater "body" of the land and ecosystems, not just in in an intellectual sense but a sense that can be felt as in the discussion on your previous post. I do wonder how much of the anxiety and fear in our culture has its roots in the way people think of their bodies as mere machinery, which isolates them from this source of interconnection? My love of the natural world goes way back, but it was much later in that If started to realize that exploring the inner world is exploring nature as well. It's not a substitute for exploring the nature that's outside one's self but it's complementary.
I really don't know what my beliefs are about a lot of the existential questions, but I think society puts too much emphasis on belief. Often there's a huge discrepancy between people's stated beliefs and their actions, and often people don't even seem to notice. I wonder if much of that can be traced to the common paradigm of separation of the mind from the whole being. I tend to pay more attention to people's actions and general ways of being then to stated beliefs which can so often be used as a way of feeling superior without actually leading to changes of action. I know for myself that paying attention to my experience and trying my best to live in a way that makes sense has also brought quite a bit of benefit to my inner life, despite there being a lot of questions that my answer is "I don't know" or "I can only guess".
I feel like, for me, it is important to know within myself that we are more than physical beings, that we are not machines, but that I am also not at all interested in the philosophies that seek to transcend the body while on Earth.
I am glad you agree that "exploring the inner world is exploring nature as well", since my writing has definitely veered in that direction over the last year or so :-).
I don't find myself able to "believe" much of anything. I have an intuitive sense of the world - an inner compass of what feels true - and also a scientific background and confidence in the ability of the scientific method to answer *some* questions. And - at least at this point in my life - those have coalesced into a worldview that feels coherent. I personally find it strange that one can have any sort of confidence on the basis of an external authority declaring the one true truth.
I also experienced a discontinuity at around age 12 - early 1998 - and I perceived my shift in 2023 in some ways as a reversal of that earlier one, a return of aspects of myself that left in adolescence. I don't remember a specific day, but it was definitely a transition into a mind-centered identity that I carried for many years.
I also have had plenty of intuitive feelings about things that have ended up serving me well, but this sense seems to have its limits especially if it's either something that feels so vast and complex and sometimes contradictory, as well as things I have enough of an emotional attachment to that may cloud my senses.
I also don't understand the confidence in authority that many have, whether religious or secular. I have a lot of respect for science as a method but realized early on that scientific authorities are people and have their own biases and mixed motivations. One early experience that I was thinking of recently was having a science teacher in middle school who told me that natural selection only applied to individuals, not groups. That made no sense to me, considering we also learned how multicellular organisms evolved from single celled organisms that entered a tight enough symbiosis to operate as one unit. So how could multicellular life even have become a thing if natural selection didn't apply to groups? Wouldn't it also make sense that natural selection would work on more "loosely knit" groups as well?
I know that in the time since then, group selection has become mainstream, so my child self has been vindicated. Still, that was only one of many examples that led me to be skeptical of scientific authority. I do think it's also possible to go too far in the other direction, and automatically disbelieve anything that an authority that you don't like says, and that creates its own dysfunction.
I/we use to move alot, intentionally. I've been criticized for it way too much since settling in Twin Cities MN 36 years ago. Told we should settle down, grow roots. Well the best times & just as challenging were all the years b4 1990. Is it MN or me but I've tried & growing roots here hasn't helped. Age & finances impacts the relocation possibilities, beside that desired strong unmistakable call. Happy trails & travels to you. I can relate alot to this journal entry, life experience. Blessings!
I like the term discontinuity as I often ponder my perception of time and myself and how they change with the circumstances of my life.
I still remember a discontinuity form early in my life, when I was toward the beginning of my teenage years. Although it was toward the end of a fairly rough school year, nothing in particular happened on or around that day that I could name as a trigger for this discontinuity, but I remember it felt like something had abruptly changed inside me, and everything beforehand seemed a bit hazy, like it was in some sense a different life. I still remember the date, May 22, 1999.
I never again experienced a discontinuity of nearly that level. I know it happened during a time in my life when a lot of things are rapidly changing, but it felt very different from all the normal changes. It was strange enough that I still remember it to this day, and I've never heard anyone else name this experience until now.
I also resonate with many of your thoughts about embodiment and spirituality. I do remember having times when I was a child where I felt frustrated that I couldn't remember anything from before my birth, feeling that there was something there but not accessible. Later I became fascinated by stories of people who remembered past lives, as well as phenomena like neard death experiences. I still think those things are interesting, but I've backed away from trying to rely on such things as a source of hope. I realized that it felt like the wrong thing to try to rely on for my well-being, it felt like I needed to immerse myself in life and my physical body rather than look for a source of "rescue" from it that so many religious and secular ideologies promise and seemed always just out of reach.
The interesting thing is, feeling myself as embodied gives me a sense of connection that I'd never gotten from common spiritual ideas. It feels like my body is part of the greater "body" of the land and ecosystems, not just in in an intellectual sense but a sense that can be felt as in the discussion on your previous post. I do wonder how much of the anxiety and fear in our culture has its roots in the way people think of their bodies as mere machinery, which isolates them from this source of interconnection? My love of the natural world goes way back, but it was much later in that If started to realize that exploring the inner world is exploring nature as well. It's not a substitute for exploring the nature that's outside one's self but it's complementary.
I really don't know what my beliefs are about a lot of the existential questions, but I think society puts too much emphasis on belief. Often there's a huge discrepancy between people's stated beliefs and their actions, and often people don't even seem to notice. I wonder if much of that can be traced to the common paradigm of separation of the mind from the whole being. I tend to pay more attention to people's actions and general ways of being then to stated beliefs which can so often be used as a way of feeling superior without actually leading to changes of action. I know for myself that paying attention to my experience and trying my best to live in a way that makes sense has also brought quite a bit of benefit to my inner life, despite there being a lot of questions that my answer is "I don't know" or "I can only guess".
Thank you for sharing!
I feel like, for me, it is important to know within myself that we are more than physical beings, that we are not machines, but that I am also not at all interested in the philosophies that seek to transcend the body while on Earth.
I am glad you agree that "exploring the inner world is exploring nature as well", since my writing has definitely veered in that direction over the last year or so :-).
I don't find myself able to "believe" much of anything. I have an intuitive sense of the world - an inner compass of what feels true - and also a scientific background and confidence in the ability of the scientific method to answer *some* questions. And - at least at this point in my life - those have coalesced into a worldview that feels coherent. I personally find it strange that one can have any sort of confidence on the basis of an external authority declaring the one true truth.
I also experienced a discontinuity at around age 12 - early 1998 - and I perceived my shift in 2023 in some ways as a reversal of that earlier one, a return of aspects of myself that left in adolescence. I don't remember a specific day, but it was definitely a transition into a mind-centered identity that I carried for many years.
I also have had plenty of intuitive feelings about things that have ended up serving me well, but this sense seems to have its limits especially if it's either something that feels so vast and complex and sometimes contradictory, as well as things I have enough of an emotional attachment to that may cloud my senses.
I also don't understand the confidence in authority that many have, whether religious or secular. I have a lot of respect for science as a method but realized early on that scientific authorities are people and have their own biases and mixed motivations. One early experience that I was thinking of recently was having a science teacher in middle school who told me that natural selection only applied to individuals, not groups. That made no sense to me, considering we also learned how multicellular organisms evolved from single celled organisms that entered a tight enough symbiosis to operate as one unit. So how could multicellular life even have become a thing if natural selection didn't apply to groups? Wouldn't it also make sense that natural selection would work on more "loosely knit" groups as well?
I know that in the time since then, group selection has become mainstream, so my child self has been vindicated. Still, that was only one of many examples that led me to be skeptical of scientific authority. I do think it's also possible to go too far in the other direction, and automatically disbelieve anything that an authority that you don't like says, and that creates its own dysfunction.
Thank you yet again, Markael, for helping me to think and see in new ways.
So absolutely beautiful, Markael.
I/we use to move alot, intentionally. I've been criticized for it way too much since settling in Twin Cities MN 36 years ago. Told we should settle down, grow roots. Well the best times & just as challenging were all the years b4 1990. Is it MN or me but I've tried & growing roots here hasn't helped. Age & finances impacts the relocation possibilities, beside that desired strong unmistakable call. Happy trails & travels to you. I can relate alot to this journal entry, life experience. Blessings!
This really moved me. Discontinuities will stay with me.
This is really interesting… the way you describe time and layers makes it feel alive. Do you study geology or just enjoy writing like this?