Toward Reconciliation
On multiple scales
I. Personal
The past two years have been something of a lesson for me, as I have been unable to maintain my usual detachment or neutrality in the face of a new polarization that arose within our society and now seems to be fading from the news cycle without resolution or reconciliation, as often happens with these sorts of divides.
I am speaking, of course, of the social phenomenon surrounding Covid-19 vaccines. I count myself among the minority who chose, for various reasons, not to receive these injections. Eighteen months ago, and less than a year after the shots were first made available, I was effectively banned from many restaurants, most concerts and event venues, many employment opportunities, and international travel – in addition to the constant barrage of censure and judgment from media, friends, and family.
This level of segregation and discrimination was unprecedented in recent memory, and yet almost as fast as it arose it has faded into a sort of strained silence: mandates and restrictions quietly removed, nearly all mention of these vaccines scrubbed from public and private conversations, the whole topic relegated to the growing list of “hot-button” issues that are best avoided lest simmering emotions be awakened.
Viewed from an external perspective, it is easy enough to summarize the entire story: “New technology is rushed into use in response to a pressing problem. Not surprisingly, it fails to work as well as hoped and causes unanticipated harms.”
I will not attempt to discuss all of the details and nuances here. Suffice to say that there was never a particularly strong reason to believe that universal vaccination would lead to eradication of the virus, nor that unvaccinated people posed a significant health risk to those who have been vaccinated. Which is to say that the discrimination and segregation was never justified by real science.
At the same time, it should be clear from a detached perspective that the personal choice to be vaccinated or not is neither morally good nor morally bad. The choice may well have personal consequences – some people are almost certainly alive today because they chose to receive the vaccine, while others are quite likely dead or disabled as a result of the same choice – but the need to make high-stakes decisions with limited understanding is nothing new to the human experience. Some people will choose to bet on the success of a new technology while others will anticipate its failure, and both are understandable decisions equally worthy of respect.
The important factor here is that as soon as the distinction was introduced into a fearful society – vaccinated vs. unvaccinated, “pro-vax” vs. “anti-vax” – it served as a useful outlet for projection of those fears onto some other. Those who were most afraid of the virus could now blame “the unvaccinated” for continued infections and deaths, while those who were most afraid of tyrannical government could blame “the establishment” for devising a new system of enforced conformity that seemingly confirmed their worst fears of where the world appeared to be headed.
As with any other polarization, this new Very Important Difference broke down lines of communication, sowed hatred and distrust within families and communities, and generally moved us further into fragmentation and further from a vision of shared humanity and values. I discovered that people were making all sorts of assumptions about me based solely on my decision not to embrace these new vaccines. I was assumed to hold particular political views, to support particular candidates, to be “anti-science” (despite holding a PhD in biological engineering), to be selfish, to be oblivious to the well-being of others, and the list goes on.
I now find myself wishing for reconciliation. I explicitly do not wish for “justice.” Many on both sides of this divide would like to beat the opposition into submission, through politics or litigation or popular opinion. That only perpetuates the divide. What if, instead, we could heal it?
I understand that most of those who believed that universal vaccination was our ticket out of the pandemic were well-meaning, that they wanted – needed – to believe in savior vaccines to feel safe. They did not really wish to harm me, even as they projected their fears and judgments onto me. I don’t want contrition, repentance, or shame. Neither am I OK with the silence that has fallen – a silence that leaves resentments simmering, that leaves me feeling uncertain where I stand in family and community. Instead, I would like a simple *acknowledgment*. “I believed a story that led me to judge you unfairly. I now know that story was false. Please accept my apology, and know that I love and respect you as you are.”
This is not a one-sided process, by any means. Those people who firmly believed that the vaccines were part of an evil plot for control or depopulation, or who expected all vaccinated people to die miserable deaths, were as deeply invested in the projection of their own shadows as the folks who demanded universal vaccination by force or threat.
II. Regional
A few months ago at a used bookstore I picked up the curiously titled Out of Oregon: Logging, Lies, and Poetry by retired logger Michael J. Barker. The stories and poems within revealed the trials and dangers of the trade, a distaste for the city-dwelling liberals who wanted to shut down the saws, and a deep love for the forest ecosystem and its wild inhabitants. One poem in particular is called Atonement:
I knew this day would come,
It’s only fair I guess.
Something has been bothering me,
I should get it off my chest.
These woods I hold so dear to heart,
For years I’ve laid to waste.
Far and wide, high and low,
We cut to suit our taste.
Three log loads all day long,
Got thirty trucks one day.
Never paid it much to mind,
That’s how I earned my pay.
Seems I’ve aged a bit, and weathered some,
And I’m a lot worse for the wear.
I didn’t even get rich from it,
But I don’t really care.
The clear cuts will come back one day,
Should we cut ‘em down again?
And is that a call that should be made,
By narrow-minded men?
All things are connected and must use,
Of this earth to live.
But who decides what and how much,
And who says it’s theirs to give?
We oughta get this sorted out,
Does no one any good.
So let’s cut back on people,
Maybe save a little wood.
I moved to the Pacific Northwest after the timber wars had mostly run their course, leaving a sort of fraught silence of a familiar type. Of course we had a similar conservative-liberal divide in the Midwest, but without the level of enmity and resentment that persisted in the wake of the mostly-nonviolent battle to preserve the last old-growth forest and its denizen Spotted Owls and Marbled Murrelets.
From an external perspective, the story here appears to distill down to: “Overexploitation of resource leads to demise of both ecosystem and industry.”
Two things were clear from the outside that were lost in the fog of war to those fighting on both sides. The first is that the loggers were no more *personally* implicated in the wholesale clearing of forests than rich environmentalists with timber-frame houses or publishers sending junk mail to millions of PO boxes. The second is that the decision to preserve the last 5% or so of old-growth forest did not *cause* mills to close but only hastened the date by a few years at most. The root cause was the decision, on the part of our global corporate-capitalist system, to harvest timber at far beyond its rate of replacement in order to generate short-term profit and growth.
The environmentalist side constructed a shadow projection of loggers as insensitive brutes who hated trees and wildlife and who bore personal responsibility for the destruction of forests. The loggers in turn constructed a shadow projection of environmentalists as the primary scapegoat for the layoffs and mill closures that by and large would have happened anyway.
In reality, all of us who participate and invest in the global, capitalist, extractive system bear some responsibility for overexploitation of forests, while most loggers have a deep love for the woods in which they work and do not themselves wish to see all of the trees cut down. In order to facilitate an “us versus them” divide, we must deny “them” any of the virtues we claim while projecting onto “them” the vices in which we ourselves participate.
Perhaps, in a more collaborative world, we might have seen new industries spring up in timber towns, producing cabinets and modular homes and furniture and books, employing more people and keeping more value in local communities while cutting fewer trees and preserving the remaining old growth. Instead, we saw an economic collapse and a spiral into depression and addiction, with little sympathy from the ruling opposition party.
The divide sown by the timber wars persists to this day, exacerbated by the combative politics of the Trump years and the fear-based policies of the covid years. As we aim to strengthen communities and build local economies, it is my hope that we can begin to break down this barrier, to re-humanize the other and acknowledge our own shadow, to build a world in which we aim for *enough* rather than *more.*
III. Global
The mission of the Dendroica Project is to support the development of an ecological spirituality – a sense of identity, meaning, and purpose that is based in our experience of being alive in human bodies on a beautiful, diverse, ever-changing, and exquisitely complex living planet. Clearly we have a ways to go.
If I were to distill the problem here into the shortest possible form, I would write: “Species decides that it is separate from, superior to, and entitled to dominion over the biosphere within which it evolved. Suffering ensues.”
We like to think that we have overcome suffering through our technological advancements – our antibiotics and dietary supplements and anesthesia - but we have created much more through our separation and hubris. Habitat destruction. Ocean acidification. Climate change. Chemical spills. Extinction. Seas full of plastic. Lives devoid of connection to nature. Lives devoid of meaning, in service to the capitalist machine and in pursuit of profit and security. Sea level rise. Proxy wars amidst global power struggles. Mass migrations.
If we acknowledge a conscious Earth, it is easy to project our own emotional reactions to this chaos onto Her. She must really hate human beings. She must look forward to the day we go extinct. She must have given up on us long ago.
In this way, we replicate and perpetuate the divide, the “us versus them”, that is ubiquitous throughout our lives and that seems to be building toward some sort of climax or inflection point beyond which movement back into community, back into connection becomes both exceedingly difficult and also the only available choice.
I am not sure exactly what Earth thinks of us, but it is unlikely to be what we expect or project. In “A Letter from Earth”, I attempted to ponder how the present moment might appear from the perspective of a 4.6-billion-year lifespan that has encompassed the emergence of life and multiple cataclysms beyond the capabilities of even our most fearsome technologies. I imagine that She wishes to birth life, to build connection, not to destroy. I imagine that despite our actions She would be sad to see us go, and that She would prefer reconciliation, forging a new relationship with humans that is collaborative rather than extractive and exploitative.
So...can we give this a shot? Can we resist the urge to give up on one another, to give up on ourselves, to follow our fears into bubbles of safety?
Let’s try it:
“I, vaccinated person, acknowledge that you, unvaccinated person, are a valuable person worthy of respect and love. I acknowledge that you chose what you perceived as best for your health, as I chose what I perceived as best for mine. I acknowledge that any discrimination or exclusion that I supported was based in fear, and I apologize for the trauma that this caused you. Whatever the consequences of our respective choices, I wish to stand together with you as friend, as family, as community.”
“I, unvaccinated person, acknowledge that you, vaccinated person, are a valuable person worthy of respect and love. I acknowledge that you chose what you perceived as best for your health, as I chose what I perceived as best for mine. I acknowledge that any prejudice you displayed against me was based in a sincere belief that these vaccines were truly safe and effective and would save lives if everyone took them, and was not based in a desire to cause harm. Whatever the consequences of our respective choices, I wish to stand together with you as friend, as family, as community.”
“I, environmentalist, acknowledge that you, logger, are a valuable person worthy of respect and love. I acknowledge that you are not personally responsible for destruction of old-growth forests, and that you too feel a deep connection to the woods even as the saw pays the bills. I acknowledge that you were born into a community centered upon unsustainable extraction through no fault of your own, that you understandably wish to preserve your livelihood, and that you are equally deserving of prideful work and financial security as any other human. I will support all efforts to ensure that your quality of life is maintained even as we must inevitably cut fewer trees. I wish to stand together with you as friend, as family, as community.”
“I, logger, acknowledge that you, environmentalist, are a valuable person worthy of respect and love. I too lament the loss of our last old-growth forests even as the work pays the bills and your calls to end logging come across as insensitive and out-of-touch. I acknowledge that we have been cutting trees faster than they can grow and that some of our mills must necessarily close, regardless of whether the last old-growth trees remain standing. I ask for your assistance in maintaining the vibrancy and prosperity of my town even as fewer and smaller logs come in. I wish to stand together with you as friend, as family, as community.”
“I, human, acknowledge that you, Earth, are a vast planetary intelligence worthy of respect and love. I acknowledge that my species has caused, and continues to cause, great damage and disruption to your living systems through our perceived separation and dominance and fear. I acknowledge that these same actions and attitudes have caused great harm to ourselves as well. Although I was born into this system and cannot fully escape it or change it alone, I seek to follow a different path: one of collaboration and cooperation rather than extraction and exploitation. I wish to stand together with you as friend, as family, as community.”
And, though this may be a bit presumptuous of me…
“I, Earth, acknowledge that you, human, are a unique expression of universal consciousness embodied upon my surface and worthy of respect and love. Although your species has caused, and continues to cause, great disruption to my living systems through your perceived separation and dominance and fear, I acknowledge that this situation long pre-dates your birth and I do not hold you personally responsible. I offer you my support and my blessing in your efforts to develop a more cooperative and collaborative model for humanity. I wish to stand together with you as friend, as family, as community.”
I don’t intend these as mantras, only as examples. May we all seek to move toward reconciliation using whatever words we find in our hearts.
Yes to all of this, in so many ways, and I have experienced the same divides as you. Vaccine division as well as timber community division.
I think that, when it's all said and done (which I reckon isn't far off), we will see that the most lasting harm from the whole pandemic and how it was handled is not long covid, nor is it vaccine injuries, but is the creation of a new trauma within a society that is so poor at handling traumas.
In fact, this is our time to do what we can to heal trauma. To reconcile, as you say. Every generation is given a chance to look at its trauma, to look at the polarisation created, and heal it. Some do it well, and then that healing can heal society. Some less well, and so the original wound reverberates down the ages.
For me, these wounds heal with generosity of spirit. I don't think we are there yet. I want to say that when I bring up the vaccine thing in conversation, people are understanding and want to heal the divide. That's not really true. Most times the vaccine conversation doesn't even start, and if it does come up, we collectively dance around it. I contribute on this score, as I'm weary of the slights cast my way for choosing not to take the vaccine. But maybe this is where my courage needs to enter, to sherpa a conversation into this seemingly treacherous terrain.
Who knows? What I do know is that we, collectively, need to get better at finding a middle way that's crafted in honour, respect and generosity rather than power, contempt and compromise. Imagine the world we could create if we grew upon each other's uniqueness rather than cut each other down to size?
I appreciate this. And it seems to tick a lot of boxes for me, as someone who is unvaccinated, involved in forestry in the PNW, and who has lowkey been meditating on the question of animism, for want of a better word, for years now.
Regarding level 1, I suppose indeed "acknowledgment" is what I'm looking for. A kind of closure, before this recedes from consciousness in a state not fully resolved, but still rankling below the surface.
Practically, what still concerns me are the vax mandates that are kinda mitigated at this point, but still technically present. For instance, at my work, unvaccinated people can, as of quite recently, return to the office along with the vaccinated people, who were invited back some time ago, but we are still technically set apart and distinguished on this score. My employment is still under the terms of a special "accommodation," which people who provided proof of vaccination do not require, and some additional restrictions are still placed upon me as part of this.
As the question of mandates recedes from consciousness, my fear is that this situation is forgotten about and never entirely resolved, with the mandate still remaining on the books.