Holy moly, I wasn't expecting this topic and loved every inch of it. I can certainly apply to Substack conversations, too, can't it??? Lots of food for thought here. Parsing these differences is quite something and it's a framework I've never had before. Thank you!
Writing this Substack has been an interesting experience. I kept expecting I would run out of ideas, and several times I thought it was wrapping up but then something would always arise. Sometimes I can feel a few months ahead, sometimes a new post emerges over just a few days, but always - so far - it keeps going and has more energy for me than any of my other life endeavors. I still have no idea where it is going - if I might compile and publish some of the essays or if I will just keep on writing.
I appreciate resonant conversations on Substack, like this one :-). I can't say that I've encountered too many "oblivious sharers" or "needy sharers" here yet given that they don't have a captive listening audience - the other type I mostly see are really short comments like "this is beautiful!" and I want to encourage folks to feel into what "beautiful" means and share that, to move from a reaction into a conversation.
It's funny you should say this because when I tried to identify for myself pre-Substack what the aim of my writing was it kept coming down to one thing: I was craving conversation with others through the written word. So it's a joy to find others for whom this is also true! Can't wait to see what comes up for you next Markael, I'll be reading eagerly.
Nice, Markael. Simply and clearly put. As an (ex)psychotherapist I'd also say that these are really important relational dynamics. I like your model. And how often is dependency mistaken for true love??
Thank you too for your personal honesty.
Two things that I have found really helpful myself in moving towards what what you call resonant communication is firstly the idea of a 'Higher Self' that acknowledges a way of being that is transpersonal, larger than singular egoic concerns; and the other is the Buddhist emphasis on the difference between interdependence ('we're never not in relationship'), and co-dependence. I wonder if you have further thoughts on this/these?
"And how often is dependency mistaken for true love?"
Yes, although in my case it feels more like dependency - security borne of insecurity - opened a door for love. Love that was (and is) very real and yet constrained. And now I am opening that door wider so that there is room for more than two, so that love is not about finding one person and settling into a safe cocoon together.
What I have found to be most helpful is a "rooting" into embodied presence, into a simple joy of being alive, into family and community, into feeling like I am enough. That will be more of the focus of my next writing, and (as seems to happen surprisingly often) one of the resonant writers I have found is on the same wavelength today: https://inkroads.substack.com/p/what-if-you-didnt-have-to-be-great
I might interpret that as embodying more of my higher self, though for me it has largely been a natural unfolding that feels orchestrated somehow but that I didn't really "make happen" in a conscious sense.
I can also relate to interdependence, in the sense that I grew up in a family that really emphasized self-reliance of the "chop wood, carry water" variety, and while I value the skillset and immersion that creates (so different from the "digital world" of today), I have gradually come to see that this is isolating, and that I love going to the farmers market to buy food, trading my own creations for those of others, embracing interdependence rather than what is only ever a false ideal of independence.
At times in our lives - as babies and children, often as elders - we are necessarily dependent on others, and that can be given with love that does not feel codependent. Strangely we tend to outsource and transactionalize this care in our modern society, and perhaps it would be healthiest if it could become a sort of broader interdependence - care and supervision provided by many within a village.
I shared my vision of interdependence last fall (https://dendroica.substack.com/p/relational-reverence), and since then it seems I have been healing old wounds and releasing old codependencies, hopefully opening myself to wider and deeper connection with others.
I'd say yes to all of that! (I too have written about this in my old blog, but also in my first book. It seems so important to do the work of consciousness, especially in our turning-point times, doesn't it?)
Yes – we are aware of the dangers here as British incomers of isolation in an agricultural economy where conventional attitudes to animals and crops reign, and are actively seeking out eco-others. We love going to the farmers' markets too – there are now a lot of small ones with an organic focus.
I see interdependence as being a community thing, as you say. We had a good eco-community, with psychospiritual awareness, nearby where we lived in Devon (very alternative Totnes and Dartington), and are still seeking it here in rural Brittany, but the local market is wonderful. My daughter sells her handweavings there (and I lived much of my adult life by exchanging the clothes and shoes I made for whatever I needed. People are not so keen on doing that for poetry ;-)!)
Any surplus food we grow we give to anyone local who wants it, and this year we'll be donating to the local food bank.
There is nothing quite like the sweet spot of resonant communication!
Holy moly, I wasn't expecting this topic and loved every inch of it. I can certainly apply to Substack conversations, too, can't it??? Lots of food for thought here. Parsing these differences is quite something and it's a framework I've never had before. Thank you!
Writing this Substack has been an interesting experience. I kept expecting I would run out of ideas, and several times I thought it was wrapping up but then something would always arise. Sometimes I can feel a few months ahead, sometimes a new post emerges over just a few days, but always - so far - it keeps going and has more energy for me than any of my other life endeavors. I still have no idea where it is going - if I might compile and publish some of the essays or if I will just keep on writing.
I appreciate resonant conversations on Substack, like this one :-). I can't say that I've encountered too many "oblivious sharers" or "needy sharers" here yet given that they don't have a captive listening audience - the other type I mostly see are really short comments like "this is beautiful!" and I want to encourage folks to feel into what "beautiful" means and share that, to move from a reaction into a conversation.
It's funny you should say this because when I tried to identify for myself pre-Substack what the aim of my writing was it kept coming down to one thing: I was craving conversation with others through the written word. So it's a joy to find others for whom this is also true! Can't wait to see what comes up for you next Markael, I'll be reading eagerly.
Nice, Markael. Simply and clearly put. As an (ex)psychotherapist I'd also say that these are really important relational dynamics. I like your model. And how often is dependency mistaken for true love??
Thank you too for your personal honesty.
Two things that I have found really helpful myself in moving towards what what you call resonant communication is firstly the idea of a 'Higher Self' that acknowledges a way of being that is transpersonal, larger than singular egoic concerns; and the other is the Buddhist emphasis on the difference between interdependence ('we're never not in relationship'), and co-dependence. I wonder if you have further thoughts on this/these?
"And how often is dependency mistaken for true love?"
Yes, although in my case it feels more like dependency - security borne of insecurity - opened a door for love. Love that was (and is) very real and yet constrained. And now I am opening that door wider so that there is room for more than two, so that love is not about finding one person and settling into a safe cocoon together.
What I have found to be most helpful is a "rooting" into embodied presence, into a simple joy of being alive, into family and community, into feeling like I am enough. That will be more of the focus of my next writing, and (as seems to happen surprisingly often) one of the resonant writers I have found is on the same wavelength today: https://inkroads.substack.com/p/what-if-you-didnt-have-to-be-great
I might interpret that as embodying more of my higher self, though for me it has largely been a natural unfolding that feels orchestrated somehow but that I didn't really "make happen" in a conscious sense.
I can also relate to interdependence, in the sense that I grew up in a family that really emphasized self-reliance of the "chop wood, carry water" variety, and while I value the skillset and immersion that creates (so different from the "digital world" of today), I have gradually come to see that this is isolating, and that I love going to the farmers market to buy food, trading my own creations for those of others, embracing interdependence rather than what is only ever a false ideal of independence.
At times in our lives - as babies and children, often as elders - we are necessarily dependent on others, and that can be given with love that does not feel codependent. Strangely we tend to outsource and transactionalize this care in our modern society, and perhaps it would be healthiest if it could become a sort of broader interdependence - care and supervision provided by many within a village.
I shared my vision of interdependence last fall (https://dendroica.substack.com/p/relational-reverence), and since then it seems I have been healing old wounds and releasing old codependencies, hopefully opening myself to wider and deeper connection with others.
I'd say yes to all of that! (I too have written about this in my old blog, but also in my first book. It seems so important to do the work of consciousness, especially in our turning-point times, doesn't it?)
Yes – we are aware of the dangers here as British incomers of isolation in an agricultural economy where conventional attitudes to animals and crops reign, and are actively seeking out eco-others. We love going to the farmers' markets too – there are now a lot of small ones with an organic focus.
I see interdependence as being a community thing, as you say. We had a good eco-community, with psychospiritual awareness, nearby where we lived in Devon (very alternative Totnes and Dartington), and are still seeking it here in rural Brittany, but the local market is wonderful. My daughter sells her handweavings there (and I lived much of my adult life by exchanging the clothes and shoes I made for whatever I needed. People are not so keen on doing that for poetry ;-)!)
Any surplus food we grow we give to anyone local who wants it, and this year we'll be donating to the local food bank.
These resonances fill me with hope.